Column: How I came to appreciate German bureaucracy
Rim Dawa
September 7, 2017
Bribes are common in Syria, where the corruption can be mind-boggling, says columnist Rim Dawa. But for her, German bureaucracy was just as frustrating - until she decided to accept it.
Image: picture-alliance/dpa/S. Sauer
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I have a confession to make.
I was always very critical of the corruption back home in Syria. But now that I live in Germany, I sometimes feel guilty that I miss it - and I loathe myself for that.
In Syria, you can't get much accomplished without bribes and connections, even if you just want to organize a local event or build a wall around your garden.
We'd call it the 25 pounds system, which refers to the standard bribe you have to pay to avoid a traffic ticket - even if the bribe at hand had nothing to do with driving (25 Syrian pounds are about $0.11).
Everything has its price
Why do I miss it? Instead of corruption, Germany has bureaucracy - and that can be a real nightmare for us newcomers.
Rim Dawa came from Syria to Germany in 2012Image: Privat
This digital, developed country functions like a finely tuned (cuckoo) clock that runs on letters, e-mails, signatures and stamps. Why all the trouble, I often ask myself, when the 25 pounds system would solve the most complicated problem much faster.
In fact, in Syria you can find a solution to almost anything if you have money and what's known in Germany as "Vitamin B" for "Beziehung" (relationship) - but of course not applied in the same way. Cash and connections count the most.
Everything has its price, and the bribe rates tend to fluctuate based on the euro and dollar. At the moment, everything in my homeland is very expensive - except for weapons, which are now cheaper than potatoes.
You'll often hear excuses like, "but that's just how things work here" or, "it's what everyone does" to justify the corruption in Syria. It seems that the injustice in our government offices will never come to an end.
Everything is in its place
In comparison, the system in Germany is very just. But still, people complain equally about both.
I still remember my first visit to the office for foreigners in Germany five years ago. Everything there was tidy and clean. The office supplies on the desks were organized, files were stacked neatly on the shelves, and a beautiful green plant was flourishing near the window.
The public official greeted me with a kind smile and - to my astonishment - wasn't interrupted by personal phone calls while we talked, as would have been the case in Syria.
Surprisingly, I did not have to know a cousin or a friend of the official to encourage her to take my case seriously, and I did not have to pay her 25 pounds or any other amount of money to keep her from being disrespectful or wasting my time by chatting with her co-workers instead of helping me.
In Germany, the piles of paperwork can be overwhelmingImage: Kirill Kedrinski/Fotolia.com
She also didn't ask me to submit documents from the "Outer Space Ministry" or any other unnecessary (or non-existent) government office before she was willing to fulfill my request.
Endless excuses
In Syria, it had taken me a whole month of daily visits to government offices to finally get my ID renewed. I barely remember all the lies that the officials told me, while drinking tea and smoking cigarettes or even preparing their breakfast.
However, I do recall the excuse I heard like a broken record throughout the whole month. "The system is broken - don't you understand that!?"
Well, excuse me Your Highness, I thought, no I don't understand what you mean. At the time, I was busy preparing to leave that "broken system" and come to Germany, where everything "works."
The grass is always greener…
But in 2013, after a year in Germany, my mailbox had become synonymous with government documents, letters, appointments - and headaches.
I long for the seemingly simplicity of the 25 pounds system - all the more so when I was trying to apply to financial aid for my studies, but my appointment with the German authorities was postponed for several months after I forgot to submit all of the required documents.
But then I realized how hypocritical my frustration was. Of course it is better to face bureaucracy than to pay bribes.
Every time I have to stand in line at a German public office, I remind myself that I face the same bureaucracy as everyone else here, from German President Frank-Walter Steinmeier to my next door neighbor.
While the German system may lead to headaches, at least it is fair.
Rim Dawa was born and grew up in Salamiyah, Syria, and came to Germany in 2012 to complete her Master's degree in international media studies. She is currently a journalist with DW's Arabic department.
11 German words you need at the office
Want to work in Germany? Learn these 11 words first. Yes, bureaucracy is one of them.
Image: picture-alliance/dpa/S. Sauer
Büro(kratie)
Not everyone works in an office, but if you do in Germany, it's called a "Büro." Of course, Büro is not far from "Bürokratie" (bureaucracy), and some offices in Germany certainly live up to their stereotype of putting things in boxes rather than thinking outside of them. That can lead to plenty of "Amtsschimmel," which literally means office mold, but refers to red tape. Where are the scissors?
Image: Olaf Wandruschka - Fotolia.com
Chef
Every worker in Germany has a "Chef." That's their boss and no he doesn't cook for them. If the boss is female, she's called a "Chefin." The word is a challenging "false friend" for German learners of English. But wouldn't we all love to have a personal cook? That luxury is reserved for the top executives - who don't have Chefs.
Image: picture-alliance/dpa
Telko
Good communication is key to getting the job done, right? But in the modern, globalized world, not everyone you need to communicate with is in your office building. For many of today's workers, telephone conferences are an everyday routine. Since the Germans love to shorten words by taking the first syllable of each part, a "Telefonkonferenz" becomes a Telko.
Image: Gajus - Fotolia.com
Gleitzeit
"Gleitzeit" - which could literally be translated as "slipping time," is a dream for everyone who's not a morning person. It's flexi-time. While your co-workers are sipping their third coffee at 9:59 am, you can waltz into the office just as core time begins. As long as none of you co-workers scheduled an 8:00 Telko.
Image: Colourbox
Kantine
Eating a hot lunch is very important in Germany. Many workplaces offer a "Kantine," or cafeteria, where you can fill up on traditional dishes like stews, dumplings or sausage - and catch up on the latest office gossip. If you're watching your waistline, it might be a good idea to bring your own lunch. Either way, when a German sees you eating, they'll likely say: "Mahlzeit!"
Image: Imago
Quereinsteiger
In Germany, it's common to find a job in the field you've been trained in - and stay in that field. It can be difficult to switch, since many employers expect diplomas and certificates in their line of work, whether it's communications or IT. For those who manage to leap from one field to another, there's a special word: "Quereinsteiger" (literally, sideways boarder).
Image: Colourbox/Pressmaster
Ausgleichstag
Been doing a lot of overtime lately? Then it's time to cash it in and take an "Ausgleichtag," or compensation day. If you've just got one day, you can only spend it at the beach if you live on the northern coast. But if you've collected two or three days off, that's plenty of time for a quick trip to a sunny place. Just leave your mobile at home.
Image: picture-alliance/dpa/Naupold
Betriebsrat
Fairness is a priority in the German workplace and every company is required to have a "Betriebsrat" (workers' council) comprised of one or more employee advocates. They liaise with the management to make sure things are running smoothly. Thinking of running for public office? The Betriebsrat might be a good place to start.
Image: picture-alliance/dpa/J. Stratenschulte
Gleichstellungsbeauftragte
The term used for "equal opportunity commissioner" is much longer than the word for boss. But beyond the impressive title, it's an important part of keeping the workplace fair. These individuals sit in on job interviews and make sure women, those with disabilities and other minorities have the same chances as everyone else.
Image: Fotolia/Andrey_Arkusha
Elternzeit
What translates as "parent time" is more like "kid time." Germany's birthrate is so low that it motivates potential parents to indeed produce future tax payers by offering them special incentives. 12-14 months of paid leave, or "Elternzeit," are available to new parents, and you are even guaranteed a job at your company up to three years after birth. Now if those aren't convincing reasons...
Image: picture-alliance/dpa
Feierabend(bier)
All good things come to an end (even the work day). In Germany, that's when the party starts (even for the Chancellor). The end of your work day is called "Feierabend" - the "party evening." For night workers, "Feierabend" could start at 6:00 am. There's even a special word for the cold adult beverage enjoyed after the work day: "Feierabendbier." And what time you drink that beer is your business.
