The German course offered on the Dutch football association Web site is hardly your standard textbook fare. Phrases such as "I'm looking for a cheap hotel near the stadium" or "Surely that was offside" are not usually considered essential vocabulary for visitors to Germany.

Instead, this guide aims to bring German and Dutch fans of the beautiful game a little closer, and help them to discuss what's happening on the pitch rather that simply hurl unintelligible insults across the stands.

In the happy event of a Dutch goal early on in the game, for example, the Dutch fan might turn to his German neighbor with the phrase "So schnell haben wir meines Wissens noch nie ein Tor geschossen," or "To my knowledge, we've never scored a goal so quickly before."

That ought to go down well with the Germans. But in case it doesn't, Dutch fans could always resort to a little playful banter drawing on German stereotypes with the question "Vielleicht haben Sie einfach keinen Sinn für Humor?" or "Maybe you just don't have a sense of humor?"

Should a Dutch fan find he's really hitting it off with the Germans, the friendship could be taken to the next level with the handy phrase "Soll ich Ihnen auch die Haare orange färben?" or "Shall I dye your hair orange, too?"

Away from the stadium, Dutch fans are also sure to be prepared for any occasion. When shopping, for example, they'll know how to request an item in orange, and should there be any pretty girls at the bar, they'll have the ideal icebreaker with the phrase "Do you have a light?"

Alternatively, unwanted attention can be fended off with the correct German for "I can't reciprocate your feelings."

Should all the jostling at a crowded bar result in a spilt beer, the Dutch fan will hopefully be able to rescue the situation with the phrase "I didn't do it on purpose, it was a mistake."

And if that fails, the course will at least have acquainted Dutch visitors with a command that generally ought to be heeded: "Machen Sie, dass Sie wegkommen!" or "Get the hell out of here!"