Psychologists uncover why you get 'the ick' in relationships
February 20, 2025
Giving a love interest "the ick" is one of the worst things a potential partner can do, at least in modern parlance.
The term has become popularized through reality TV shows and has gone viral in social media posts. It's a phrase that encapsulates a sudden feeling of revulsion toward a romantic partner.
While the ick might be a popular term expanding across social media, psychologists and researchers are trying to explain some of the triggers that bring the ick on.
"I first heard the term ... while watching Love Island UK, where a contestant suddenly lost attraction to her partner," said Chloe Yin, one of three psychologists at Azusa Pacific University, US, that conducted a recent study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences.
"This set off an internal struggle as she debated whether to stay with him, while small things about him started to bother her more and more."
Understanding this now-labeled phenomenon could give insight into relationship behaviors in modern dating and relationships, researchers say.
What causes the ick?
To learn what motivating factors for the ick might be, Yin and her colleagues turned to TikTok .
The researchers gathered 86 TikTok videos that used the hashtag #theick, then quantified the reasons social media users gave for feeling a sudden revulsion toward their romantic partners.
Their analysis found several factors which cause the ick, like gender incongruence (when a man or woman acts in a way perceived as atypical of their gender), embarrassing themselves publicly, or annoying speech.
Other factors include fashion faux pas, misogyny, physical quirks (such as a woman whose feet didn't reach the floor while seated), excessive focus on trends or social media, and vanity.
While some behaviors might seem incompatible with personal tastes — such as belief in astrology or trying too hard to fit in — others come across as the neurotic justification a 90s sitcom character might give for dumping a love interest: "Her feet didn't reach the floor" and "he wore jorts [jean-shorts]".
Men and women experience the ick differently
The study found that ick factors also vary between genders.
The researchers used a focus group of 125 singles who were quizzed on how they might react to scenarios across the ick categories.
They also had their tendencies toward narcissistic or perfectionist traits evaluated.
Women were more likely to get the ick in response to overt misogyny displayed by a male partner, or for "annoying speech," which refers to what a man says rather than how he sounds.
Women were more likely to repel their male partners due to quirks of their physical appearance, or for appearing too vain.
The study also found that people more likely to experience disgust in other parts of life were more likely to experience the ick, and at a higher frequency than those with higher disgust tolerance.
Those with higher levels of narcissism and perfectionism were also found more likely to have an ick response.
Women were also more likely to be familiar with the ick concept, as well as reporting a greater frequency of feeling it. This, the authors suggest, could be because of women's "heightened sensitivity to relational risks."
Social media trends might be driving frivolous standards
The authors say their study helps improve understanding of the reasons why people can be repelled by potential romantic partners.
And even though those with higher levels of perfectionism and narcissism were likely to have "the ick," there's little desire for self-development when the experience manifests itself. Raquel Peel, a psychology researcher at the University of Notre Dame, Australia, told DW.
"The modern dating scene is overwhelmed by individuals with high and possibly unrealistic expectations of their intimate partners," Peel said.
"Although there is a great amount of choice out there, there seems to be little accountability for how one can self-improve towards strengthening their own relationships. The onus seems to be on the other person to present as the 'perfect' choice."
Peel said a next step for researchers could be to investigate how the phenomenon affects relationships, rather than what simply causes "the ick" to happen.
"Future qualitative studies, especially observational studies, should investigate how people see this impacting their relationships long-term, possibly as a pattern of self-sabotage," she said.
Edited by: Fred Schwaller
Primary source: