Surviving a fancy event with traditional etiquette
Laura Döing eg
November 24, 2016
Adolf Freiherr von Knigge, an 18th-century writer, is still considered Germany's leading authority on etiquette. His rules can help you prepare for your next glamorous event - like the German Press Ball.
Image: picture-alliance / dpa
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Traditional German etiquette rules still relevant
Adolf Freiherr von Knigge, an 18th-century writer, is still considered Germany's leading authority on etiquette. His rules can help you prepare for your next glamorous event — like the German Press Ball on Friday.
Image: Getty Images/Sean Gallup
Germany's etiquette authority: the 'Knigge'
When Adolf Freiherr von Knigge wrote "Über den Umgang mit Menschen" ("Practical Philosophy of Social Life") in 1788, he aimed to provide guidelines for social skills, and probably didn't expect to be associated with good table manners. Today, the name Knigge is synonymous with etiquette in Germany. Here are a few of his recommendations that could be still be useful for various social events.
Image: picture-alliance / dpa
Wear functional clothes
Getting dressed for a fancy ball can be stressful. Knigge offers a diplomatic solution: "Let your dress be neither above nor beneath you situation; not above nor beneath your fortune; not fantastical nor too gay, nor ostentatiously sumptuous, splendid and extravagant." It can, however, be expected that a few guests at the German Press Ball might not follow this rule.
Image: Fotolia/monamakela.com
Don't be a conversational narcissist
Once you've chosen your tux or gown, you can get ready to mingle. Knigge offers tips for small talk at the event: "Take care not to speak too much of yourself if your friends out of civility should turn the conversation upon your person, your publications and similar subjects."
Image: picture alliance/blickwinkel/fotototo
Don't suck up to people
Knigge reminds us that slimy flatterers are just as inappropriate as conversational narcissists. He advises, for example: It is "extremely degrading for any man to act the mean part of a low flatterer, who by cringing adulation infatuates vain people in such a degree as to render them averse to hear any thing but praise."
Image: Imago/blickwinkel
Self-praise stinks
Knigge wouldn't approve of those who continuously pat themselves on the back and brag about their possessions. He recommends: "Speak also not too loudly of your prosperity, nor display too much splendor, wealth and genius. There are but few who will behold such a superiority without murmuring and envy."
Image: picture-alliance/dpa/O. Berg
Be truly funny
Don't learn jokes by heart, says Knigge: "A person that constantly hunts after witticisms and shows that he has studied to amuse the company, will please only for a short time and interest but a few. [...] True humor and genuine wit cannot be forced nor produced by art and mental toils; but they are felt like the presence of a celestial being, creating pleasure, congenial warmth and secret awe."
Image: Fotolia/Peter Atkins
Don't gossip
Did you see that dress? If you want to badmouth, at least do it discreetly, advised Knigge in 1788: "If you want to talk to your friend about someone who's present at a social event, consider that whispering in the ear is indecent, and at least be cautious enough not to look at the person you're gossiping about while you're doing it."
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Don't overpraise emerging talents
Illustrious guests have been invited to the German Press Ball on Friday. If you meet a creative young talent, Knigge advises to choose your words carefully: "Encourage the young artist by modest applause, but never flatter nor praise him immoderately, for this spoils most of them." Knigge wrote a whole chapter about dealing with scholars and artists in his 1788 manual.
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A ball is not a reporters' scrum
At the German Press Ball, celebrities and politicians (like former Chancellor Helmut Kohl and his wife (left) expect to be able to enjoy their champagne without being aggressively interviewed by journalists. Knigge's advice on the matter is that you should avoid serious issues at such an event: "We must understand the art of conversing with our guests on such subjects only as give them pleasure."
Image: picture-alliance/dpa
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In Germany, Knigge is synonymous with etiquette. There's the Knigge for business, the Knigge for ties, the Knigge for emails, the Knigge for grief and even the white sausage Knigge - just to name a few. There's hardly an area without a good manners guide.
Adolph Franz Friedrich Freiherr von Knigge, an 18th-century German writer, probably never could have imagined that nearly every etiquette book in Germany would be named after him some day.
The authors of those current guides might not even realize that Knigge never actually wrote about good table manners, but rather a treatise on social skills called "Über den Umgang mit Menschen " (translated as "Practical Philosophy of Social Life").
The original edition of Knigge's most famous work
Enlightenment instead of table manners
For his famous 1788 work, Knigge (1752-1796) analyzed people's social behavior a year before the French Revolution took place. The humanist had previously dealt with the works of German philosopher Immanuel Kant, had translated French texts by Enlightenment philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau and wrote different essays on history, politics and society.
With his famous social study, Knigge aimed to change and enlighten society. Rules of etiquette were introduced in his book later in the 18th century. Copyright was not a legally binding concept at the time, so different authors added chapters to Knigge's very popular book after its publication, now simply known as the Knigge in Germany.
In the original book, Knigge covers most aspects of coexistence: relations between parents and children, how to deal with lovers, married couples, neighbors, superiors and subordinates, friends, hosts and guests, scholars and artists and even how to deal with yourself.
Knigge in the digital age
His advice still appears relevant, if taken with a pinch of humor and applied to today's context. For example, his recommendation to concentrate on a smaller number of friends instead of embracing everyone shouldn't be forgotten in this age of thousands of Facebook "friends."
There's even a Knigge for white sausageImage: picture-alliance/dpa
New editions of Knigge's social study now deliberately leave out passages that are completely outdated, such as sections warning against fraudulent postal stagecoaches or horse merchants.
The chapter "On dealing with women's rooms" has also been left out of most new editions, thankfully. If Knigge promoted the spirit of Enlightenment, feminism clearly wasn't part of it.
Knigge's name is not only used for many new etiquette guides, but for seminars on good manners as well. The German Knigge Society and the German Knigge Council still promote his ideas, transferring them to modern contexts.
