The rail system in Germany isn't perfect, but it definitely connects people throughout the country — not only geographically, but also as a topic of conversation familiar enough for everyone to join in on.
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10 things Germans generally know about trains
Tickets, reservations and train types: Here are 10 basic facts and insider tips about Deutsche Bahn trains, Germany's state railway.
Image: Deutsche Bahn AG
Did you get that?
There's a loudspeaker announcement while you're waiting for a train, but you barely distinguish a single word? The acoustics of any train station are generally bad, so instead of worrying too much about what you've missed, here's a German idiom for the unexceptional occasion: "Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof" — literally, "I only understand train station" — which means you didn't understand a thing.
Image: picture-alliance/dpa
Recognize different types of trains
Most preschool children know this: The Intercity-Express (ICE) trains are the high-speed stars of the German state railway, Deutsche Bahn. They reach up to 300 kph (186 mph). The Intercity (IC) trains are also white and red, but not quite as modern and fast, traveling at a maximum speed of 200 kph. If you're heading to a smaller town, the (often red) Regionalbahn (RB) is what you're looking for.
Image: picture-alliance/dpa/J. Woitas
Not all trains are on time
Despite the stereotypes about German efficiency, train punctuality has been declining, and complaining about how they're late all the time is a small talk topic that unites travelers throughout the country. DB claims that nearly 75 percent of its high-speed trains reached their destination within five minutes of their planned schedule in 2018.
Image: picture-alliance/dpa/F. Tschauner
You can't travel for free
A basic principle: Buy your ticket before boarding a train. However, if ever the ticket vending machine is out of order at your station of departure or you don't manage to obtain a ticket before getting on the train, on ICE or Intercity trains you can buy your ticket from the conductor once you're on board. On a RB, you'll be fined for fare evasion, aka "schwarzfahren" (literally: black riding).
Image: Deutsche Bahn AG/P. Castagnola
Travel with a group to save money
Groups of up to five people will find interesting deals for regional train tickets. In some cases, it's already cheaper for two people to buy one such ticket; each additional traveler on the same ticket further reduces the costs, which is why improvised groups of people heading to the same destination often find each other on the platform.
Image: picture-alliance/dpa/J. Kalaene
Bikes are a challenge
An increasing number of ICE trains have designated spaces for a limited number of bicycles. On other trains, from the Intercity to the regional ones, there are special wagons for bikes. You'll need an extra ticket to bring one along. Cycling is a popular activity in the summer, so expect a chaotic "first come, first served" struggle to squeeze yours in and out of a regional train on a weekend.
Image: DW/Elizabeth Grenier
Sorry, but that place is mine
A train ticket doesn't come with an allocated seat. Reservations are available at an extra cost on long-distance trains — and they can be overbooked. Indicators usually reveal if a seat has been reserved, but even Germans find "ggf. reserviert" (which means: "it could be reserved") confusing. In any case, the passenger with a reservation is sure to let you know if you're sitting in their place.
Image: Deutsche Bahn AG/O. Lang
Wait at the right spot
While tourists wildly run around looking for the wagon with their reservation once their ICE train comes in, seasoned German travelers are already standing next to the right door. They know there's a useful information system that associates a letter on the platform to the position where each carriage will stand.
Image: DW/Elizabeth Grenier
You don't need to be loud elsewhere either
There are different options when you make a reservation: Do you prefer an aisle seat, at a table or in a smaller compartment? Some areas are conceived for people who prefer it quiet. Avoid making phone calls in the "Ruhebereich," or quiet zone. And even in other areas, no one really wants to listen to you talk loudly on your phone.
Image: picture alliance/dpa/N. Schmidt
Get a special compartment for your children
Parents traveling with their children will find it easier to avoid the quiet zone altogether. On ICE trains, special family compartments are an interesting option — but they need to be booked ahead. Traveling without a reservation? Head to the "Family Zone." Children aged 5 and under travel for free, while those under 15 don't have to pay either, as long as they're accompanied by a paying adult.
Image: Deutsche Bahn AG/O. Oliver Lang
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Even though my small hometown in Canada had a magnificent train station, passenger service sadly ceased as a result of the country's rail cutbacks in 1990. So nostalgia probably explains why I tend to fall in love with any country that allows people to reach its smallest village by rail.
I've spent nights in trains filled with sweaty and drunk passengers. I've been stuck for hours in the middle of nowhere on trains so rundown that mice felt at home running around my feet.
By contrast, German trains are generally decent and effective. I feel an high-speed ICE train beats long stretches of Autobahn anytime, and I have fond memories of a year of commuting with the regional train service.
Germany united by rail
Still, if there's one small-talk topic that unites everyone in the country, it's complaining about the Deutsche Bahn, the country's main railway company. The high cost of tickets, unexpected strikes, construction sites causing trains to be rerouted, and the fact that trains are not always on time are annoyances that anyone can relate.
These recurring delays do not reflect the stereotypical idea of German punctuality, as cartoonist Miguel Fernandez points out in one of his comics, part of DW's Euromaxx series That's so German.
The problems aren't just something people are imagining. Germany's railway system urgently needs modernization but is underfunded. While Switzerland invested €362 ($410) per capita in 2017 in its rail system, Germany spent only €69 per inhabitant. Even without aspiring to reach Swiss standards, Germany is also behind Austria (€187), Sweden (€183) and the UK (€165), according to non-profit lobby group Allianz pro Schiene, which pushes for more train transport.
If you travel regularly by rail, you're bound to experience a few noteworthy situations of your own, from stressful delays to annoying seat neighbors.
Remember that time you were caught without a seat in an overloaded weekend train that constantly halted in the middle of nowhere without any explanation, the air conditioner wasn't working and it was the hottest day of the year, and another passenger felt it was the right moment to eat an onion, tuna fish and boiled egg sandwich right next to you while a group of drunk hooligans were getting ready for their football game with more alcohol, their unique sense of humor only partly covering up that spoiled child's constant screaming? You were so stressed about still possibly catching your connecting train that you forgot your laptop on board...
Of course we all remember. Of course we tell that story whenever the topic of traveling by train comes up.
If that kind of adventure hasn't happened to you yet, but you're in the mood for hours of conversation on a long train ride, just try saying that you think the German train system is one of the best in the world. It'll get everybody talking.